The Presence That Heals: How Encountering God Changes Everything
Excerpted from Removing the Sting of Death.
Beni and I committed ourselves to a life of worship early on in our walk with Christ.
My dad is the one who taught us that. He was our pastor. He was powerfully influenced by a man who would later become to me a great encouragement as well as a dear friend, Jack Hayford. So, from my dad and Pastor Jack Hayford, we learned in our youth that our ministry to God was our greatest priority in ministry. It made sense, and we said yes!
Beni always had a tender heart toward the Lord. It was beautiful to see. But she wanted nothing to do with typical pastor’s wife duties, like playing the piano or leading a woman’s ministry. None of those things are wrong. She just didn’t fit that mold.
When I was invited to be the pastor of Mountain Chapel in Weaverville, I was asked by the elders, “What will your wife be doing?”
I told them, “Nothing she doesn’t want to do. She’ll be my wife and the mother of my children. Anything else she does will be because of her gift, not mine.” I wanted her protected from the unfair and often unintentional expectations that churches create for pastors’ wives and families.
The Wave
A wave of revival hit us in 1995, and Beni was undone. We had gone to Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship where she was unusually touched by the Lord. I tell people, “I walked to the service that night with a lamb. But walked back to the hotel with a lion.” This is the best description of what happened to my wife that night. And I’ll never, ever forget it.
She had always been a real worshiper. But something happened in Toronto that completely changed the rest of her life. I would come home and find my wife on the floor, weeping, worshiping, where she had been for hours. The one who was in love with Jesus was suddenly IN LOVE WITH JESUS. It’s impossible to explain well, as I don’t have adequate words.
Personal Devotion
My personal time with the Lord is mostly worship. If I have an hour to pray, usually about 40 to 45 minutes is worship. If I have
10 minutes to pray, usually about 6 to 7 minutes is worship. I learned that concept from Derek Prince, one of the great Bible teachers of the 20th century. It helped to clarify the how to of my devotional life in a significant way. You can cover a lot of things in prayer with the few minutes remaining. I’d rather have that intimate connection to the Lord than to have a sense that I completed my list.
One of the painful parts of walking with Jesus is learning to give Him praise regardless of circumstances. It’s painful and truly qualifies as a sacrifice because it is much more than a step beyond convenience. It is also an example of courageous faith.
David, My Hero
It is interesting to note that David illustrated a lifestyle of worship in an Old Testament context that would become the prophetic example of New Testament worship. He blazed a trail into the presence of God in ways that no one had ever done before. But his life was not easy. Some of the problems he faced, he faced because of his own poor choices. And some were because he was a man living on planet Earth. In other words, it’s life. But there was one special moment that sets a standard for us that is hard to forget once we’ve seen it.
David therefore pleaded with God for the child, and David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. So the elders of his house arose and went to him, to raise him up from the ground. But he would not, nor did he eat food with them. Then on the seventh day it came to pass that the child died. And the servants of David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead. For they said, “Indeed, while the child was alive, we spoke to him, and he would not heed our voice. How can we tell him that the child is dead? He may do some harm!” When David saw that his servants were whispering, David perceived that the child was dead. Therefore David said to his servants, “Is the child dead?” And they said, “He is dead.” So David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house; and when he requested, they set food before him, and he ate (2 Samuel 12:16-20).
David’s son through Bathsheba became sick. David fasted and prayed for days, knowing that God is the God of mercy. He was so focused on the God of miracles and the need for an answer from Heaven that his servants thought he might do something awful if the child died. Such a disappointment could be devastating. The baby died. But instead of doing something awful, David did something wonderful. He recalibrated his heart to what was most important: Recognize the God who is with us and give Him honor in the midst of loss and great pain. If ever there was an example of redeeming the time, it is here inthis story. David refused to let the enemy have any influence over his heart and mind, or even steal the day because of horrific loss, and influence him to accuse and think evil of the Lord.
Submit to God
God never commands us to worship Him or give Him thanks because He needs our affirmation. He’s not an egotist feeding off of the approval of His creation. Not at all. In fact, He doesn’t look for worship. The Scripture says He looks for worshipers. Why? Because everything He does is out of love, which means our becoming worshipers is what is best for us. And how could this be? Because we always become like whatever we worship. And He could want nothing better for us than to become like Him.
I like how James gives us this instruction:
But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded (James 4:6-8 NKJV).
God inhabits the praises of His people. And some of the most important praise we will ever give Him will be when we feel like it the least. Submitting to God, at least in part, is to bring Him a gift of thanksgiving and praise. The result is beautiful, and the devil who was positioned to come and kill, steal, and destroy must flee! A huge part of our healing while in grief is found in worship. It is found in the presence of God.
(For the sake of simplicity, I am grouping thanksgiving, praise, and worship into the same basic expression. If I were teaching on the subject of ministry to God, I would highlight the purpose for each. But honestly, when we are in the heartache of soul, we don’t need a formula. We need God. And to come to Him with an open heart, giving a sacrifice that costs us some- thing, is all we need. He meets us there.)
The Deception of Victimhood
David understood this all-powerful part of the life of one who serves God with a whole heart. He understood this so deeply that he would even command his own soul: “Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits” (Psalm 103:1-2 NKJV).
The deception occurs when we recognize our weakness through the trial of loss and mourning and assume that we are victims, with no more authority over our own lives. That is a lie. Jesus died, protecting the will of people to live and chose as they please. No one can remove the authority each has over their lives. This means that each of us has the power to choose praise and worship as the logical response to a crisis. No one cantake that away from us. And while it may seem foolish to the un-renewed mind, worship at a time of great loss is often the missing piece to a person’s breakthrough. It is truly logical to the one with the mind of Christ.
My Time of Worship
My time of worship before the Lord is anything but complicated. It is the intimate interaction with the presence of God. Sometimes I sit at the piano and play. It may be a song I know or a spontaneous offering. There is healing in anointed music. Other times I put on Bethel Music and worship with the songs written in our house or join some of the other great worship leaders and movements from around the world. And sometimes I want no music at all. Just a heart laid down before the Master.
There are also times when my mind is so clouded with fear, anxiety, or anger, that it’s hard to feel genuine. First of all, our feelings do not give legitimate measurements for our success or failure. Just do your best. But one of the things I’ve noticed through the years is that a real sacrifice is usually something I avoid doing, even in worship. So, if there seems to be a cloud over my head, I rejoice. It has to be expressed aggressively. Some- times I dance before Him. Sometimes shout, clap, or raise my hands high in the air. Or even perhaps lie before Him on my face. And sometimes I do all the above. The point is, rarely does that darkness continue to have influence once a real sacrifice has been made. Honestly, what has lingered over my heart for days on end has vanished within moments of an outwardly rejoicing heart. I’m learning to respond more quickly than I used to. But not as quickly as I need to.
James tells us to draw near to God, and He will draw near to us. We must learn in these times to recognize Him drawing near. Becoming captivated with Him is a huge part of the process. Only seeing my loss leads me to hopelessness. But seeing Him always gives me identity and purpose. Seeing my loss in the light of His face always gives me hope for my future.
